Tag Archives: love

HOLD MY HAND, EMBUN

yangtze-river-cruises-tours-06_leadingThe Ghost & Embun
I am weary, Embun
Carry me,
I am tired, Embun
Bear me away,
I am fading, Embun,
Close my eyes,
Take my pen,
Hold my hand,
For today or tomorrow
Or who knows when
I will be gone.

And when I am not here anymore,
Think well of me, Embun
And remember me before you
Close the door to all our foolish dreams,
That I resonated your name in my heart,
And sought to call you to Him
In an unbroken hymn,
Like a river of tears
Passing through the night
That alas, you did not hear.
…..

wa min Allah at taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

THE GHOST & THE GHOSTING

190492_10150135259710665_605025664_6943810_102293_nThe Ghost
I was weary, and needed to rest,
I knocked on a door, but a voice said,
“Hush, hush, go away. Ghosts do not sleep.”

I felt hungry, and came to a family at dinner,
I took the empty chair, but the father said
“Hush, hush, go away. Ghosts do not eat.”

Hurt, hungry and tired, I found you sitting at the beach,
You were looking out to sea, and I started to cry,
You turned and you looked through me, then you said
“Hush, hush, go away. Ghosts do not weep.”
…..

IMG_20131111_205650The Ghosting. Once I was the beloved, the cherished, the heard. I was listened to with love and kindness.

Those days are apparently gone, and though I am still here, writing and crying, I am to you a ghost, a painful shackle to a past best forgotten…

Like an inconvenient ghost living in your attic.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

HER STORM, MY RIVER & OUR DREAM

20151230012012_resized_1The Sentinel
You cast a storm from your honest eyes
But you could not alter the course of my river
I cast a spell with my beautiful lies
But your storm has ebbed
And a drought has dried the river.
So now friends ask, why am I still here,
A lonely sentinel in this lonely ruin?
But I cannot forget you, I fear,
Nor our dream of
what might
have been.
…..

20151229003217_resized_1HARD & SOFT. I am trying to learn to remember. I am not very good at it, but I am hoping that AllahuHafez (God the Preserver) will give me a legs up in this general direction. And I think He has. But the collateral effect is we learn to remember EVERYTHING. Which perhaps has its hard and soft sides – We learn to realise the beautiful promises and hopes that once illuminated our daily life by the presence of just one person, a chance for a future, for a family. And with the departure of such person, we learn to carry the painful realisation that we had, in all probability caused the dream to end oh so suddenly, waking up blinking like a fool in the bright dawn of truth.

And I am still suffering the hangover, sunshine.

GOOD & BAD. I said the effect of remembrance (dzikr) is both hard and soft, when the words I used originally were ‘up and down sides’. I changed them because no remembrance is ultimately bad. However painful the milestones we face when we glanced over our shoulders and look back into the past, our gaze must necessarily return far, to the soft yielding embrace of our dearly departed mother or father, or some other beloved kin or friend we have lost to time and tide. And if we look farther still, farther than the even our birth, our parents’ birth or even beyond the first life ever raised its eyes and look into a new world, we return ultimately, in the finality of our contemplation to the dawn of creation before any sun ever existed, to the NurMuhammad, the Light of Muhammad (sws) and to our God Almighty, Most Compassionate Most Merciful. And you must agree with me that that is not a bad thing.

May God bless you, sunshine, always and forever.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

FAREWELL, WEDDING BELLS

IMG_20170424_193306Farewell, Wedding Bells
I am what I hold in my hand, a broken heart,
I am the memories that shadow my waking sleep,
I am the tears that I cry
Since the night we said farewell
To our dreams of wedding bells
To live a life to an end
That I cannot foretell.
…….

LIFE. All that is born must die. All that is created must have an end, every summer ends with an autumn and every life must inevitably cease. There is little argument on this point.

ENDINGS. What is debatable, and a source of great human drama of joys and sadness, passion and despair is the activity we choose to indulge in between our birth and our pallbearers. And in the consequences of a break-up, the ending of a relationship, boy, it does feel like forever. But I know this is a false forever, a fake eternity concocted up by a fevered heart yearning the gentle touch of a loved one.

GUILT. Nonetheless, in the face of such trials, we have Allah Almighty, we have His Habibullah (sws) and the inner armoury of the soul known as patience, patience and patience. So in truth, there is no competition really – for hope trumps sadness and His divine promise conquers over all our mortal failings. But being human, something in our self-blaming ego is titillated by constantly stirring the pot of our sadness, not to heal the hurt… but to drown our hope, a stillborn.

BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES. I guess guilt plays a big part of my life. But I willingly embrace my malfeasance, because interspaced between the guilty pangs are pearls of memories I cannot nor do I desire to let go off.

Memories of you, sunshine.IMG_20170424_194123

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

THE FRIEND ZONE

4877_79071_web_8columnSome break-ups fall easily into the friend zone. But some stubbornly refuses to be so sensible. This is a prose about one such impolitic separation, burning away the savannah of my solace like a bushfire, soaking up the oxygen from the very air that I need to breathe and move on.

Friend Zone
You will never be my former,
You will never be my yesterday,
Your name cannot be paired with was,
 Done, did, had, has, or in any way
Referred to in the past tense,
You are not cast for The End,
And lest you fail to understand…
Let my pen be clear that
You will never (ever)
be just a friend.
…..

Happy birthday, sunshine, always and forever. May you find solace through the Prophet (sws) of AllahuRa’uf, our God The Kind, God The Tenderly Merciful and Consoling. 
large

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

MUSE, MAKER, THE END OF ALL SURMISE

Camera 360My Only Homecoming
I am captivated by Your signs
Bur wonder… how long shall I
Be traveling? To wander this world,
To explore the connections
And signs of You
But to never find You?

I am not claiming that I deserve You
But then You made me and I am Yours,
So is there in truth
Any other homecoming
For me but to You?
………

A few nights ago, I was bemused to hear two simultaneous Azans (call to prayers). One came from my phone with its prayer times app, while the other came ‘live’ from my neighbourhood mosque.

5451_109180257843_543202843_2382546_7545878_nI don’t know why but I was deeply affected by the beauty of the two Azans. They just felt overwhelming, coursing through the air like some cosmic signal being beamed from a divine radio station heaven somewhere beautiful. But then, quite by surprise, a poignant thought came to me…

The End of Surmise
Beautiful songs… But when will I meet the Muse?
Beautiful signs… But when shall I see the Maker?
Beauty, beauty, beauty everywhere
But when will I ever
Meet the End of all my surmise?
………

It was a moment both sweet and sad. I really don’t know how else to explain.

Do you, sunshine?

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

“Is Mika here?” He would ask

30082011706 2-2

Questions
“Is Mika here?
Can I borrow some money?”
The familiar head would suddenly appear,
And I would reply, gruffly,
Yay or Nay, to the speaker,
Abang Chik, my brother.

Now as I sit in my room,
Sifting through his notebooks
And scribblings that I have saved,
My eyes sometimes drift to the door,
Half expecting him
To poke his head in,
And ask, for the thousandth time…
“Is Mika here? Are you done with the book?
Have you seen my car keys?
Do you have the time?”
…….

Not a day passes, that I am not thankful for this life, this world, and for you, sunshine. And not a day passes that I am not thankful that this world shall not last but one day end, and that we, you and I, shall take leave of this reality and return to the possessors of our memories, our dearly departed kin and friends. And to meet, Godwilling, in a congregation blessed to be in the Divine Presence.

My brother is not here. The odour of his presence, made astoundingly apparent by his Indonesian clove cigarettes is absent. But his writings and drawings, his artistic, musical and literary tastes, his quiet devotion to Shaykh Nazim Adil al-Haqqani (qs), are present in my life and animate my thoughts. And he is doing it all over again – bothering me, popping his head into my loneliness, asking for the millionth time… “Is Mikhail here? So what do you think of the movie? Doesn’t the minister drive you crazy?”

Abang Chikwa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

THE ADAB (COURTESY) OF LOVE – flash of the blinding obvious

artflow_201612111025_resized88. Passion 2
Sobriety and Patience
Is better than Passion,
They become wine to those
Who have passed the state of intoxication.
……..

Thus was recorded in the collection of prose known as The DamSunSunAna some 13 years ago. Last night, poor old dumb me was visited by the same subject, with a sharper lesson -

The Adab of Love
Some use love as a pretext
An excuse for discourtesy,

But is not love the best reason
For good manners and civility?
The reining in of passion
In deference to courtesy?
……..

13 long years, sunshine. And hardly any personal improvement. Although realising the flash of the  blinding obvious is, I guess, some type of progress.

Have a wonderful day, sunshine. I shall spend what is left of mine contemplating the blinding obvious, the Adab of Love and my trail of tears…

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

LOVE DIVINE, BY MINE (Part 4 of 4)

20150504_072235In Perfect Sympathy with the Symphony of Creation
Every colour in autumn, every scent of your summer,
Every snowfall in winter, every rainbow of your spring,
Every blush upon your cheek, every smile in the night,
Every sigh and broken wing, every dove in flight,
Everything that can possibly be
And everything that is impossible
Is spelling out, crying out;
Love, Love, oh Love Incredible,
Love, Love oh Love Divine,
Thus make me Yours, tenderly and gently
And make Your Love forever mine.
…………..

It is easy to record such words and vows of undying love. And a whole world entirely to prove it. And that is what our Beloved Lord has exactly done. To create a whole world and infinite worlds to prove His Love. The completion of His incomparable Grace and Generosity to His servants.

And as old Rumi says, if we find anything wrong with this world, then certainly, it is not the fault of the world nor its Creator, rather, we are looking at the world through a broken mirror, cracked and stained by our mortal shortcomings. A matter that, sadly, I am all too familiar with.

230But the day has not ended, my love. Our heart is still beating. Let us find the best path so that each breath we take and exhale resonates with the music of Creation – by being in utter submission to the Creator, in perfect sympathy with the Symphony of Creation, as the honoured children of Adam (as) and most favoured Muhammad’s (sws) loyal nation.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

LOVE DIVINE, BE MINE (Part 3 of 4)

old_sailing_ship_in_ocean_at_night_biggerTell Me, o’ Allah
Thus every shadow in the night,
Every wake of the ships that sail
Across my moonlit sea
Is disclosing Your Truth to me
However far is the captain’s course,
So please assure me, o’ Allah,
That this journey must be
And this crossing is Yours eternally…
………

Not a leaf in a forest, not a dew drop in a mist, not a ray of light from a star that is shining which does not speak to the seeker of the Sought. The seeker being you and me, and the Sought being the only One worthy of our undying attention and love – Allah Almighty, Lord Creator of the Worlds.

Camera 360Any other interpretation of the purpose of our birth is a disastrous detour to distraction and possibly even the destruction of our temporal happiness. Alas, we learn this often only in our greying years, as we look upon the young,  tolerating the same mistakes we did when we were young, despite our stumbling counsel and advice.

Such is life, youth and the coming of old age – Each phase acting its way through to the end like a well scripted play. Perhaps the important thing is knowing there is in fact an end, and that end is a homecoming to  Allah All-Loving, the Friend of Friends, the Guardian Beyond Approach, the Essence of Whom is Incomparable Greatness, and Whose Beloved is the very beacon of all His Creation – our boundless Prophet Muhammad (sws).

Wonderfully operatic and grand, yes? And yet intimately… masyaAllah… more gentle and tender than the kindest human mother with her baby.

Does this not please you, sunshine? Believe! (Go to Part 1 or Part 2)

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way