Tag Archives: contemplation

THE GHOST & THE GHOSTING

190492_10150135259710665_605025664_6943810_102293_nThe Ghost
I was weary, and needed to rest,
I knocked on a door, but a voice said,
“Hush, hush, go away. Ghosts do not sleep.”

I felt hungry, and came to a family at dinner,
I took the empty chair, but the father said
“Hush, hush, go away. Ghosts do not eat.”

Hurt, hungry and tired, I found you sitting at the beach,
You were looking out to sea, and I started to cry,
You turned and you looked through me, then you said
“Hush, hush, go away. Ghosts do not weep.”
…..

IMG_20131111_205650The Ghosting. Once I was the beloved, the cherished, the heard. I was listened to with love and kindness.

Those days are apparently gone, and though I am still here, writing and crying, I am to you a ghost, a painful shackle to a past best forgotten…

Like an inconvenient ghost living in your attic.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

HER STORM, MY RIVER & OUR DREAM

20151230012012_resized_1The Sentinel
You cast a storm from your honest eyes
But you could not alter the course of my river
I cast a spell with my beautiful lies
But your storm has ebbed
And a drought has dried the river.
So now friends ask, why am I still here,
A lonely sentinel in this lonely ruin?
But I cannot forget you, I fear,
Nor our dream of
what might
have been.
…..

20151229003217_resized_1HARD & SOFT. I am trying to learn to remember. I am not very good at it, but I am hoping that AllahuHafez (God the Preserver) will give me a legs up in this general direction. And I think He has. But the collateral effect is we learn to remember EVERYTHING. Which perhaps has its hard and soft sides – We learn to realise the beautiful promises and hopes that once illuminated our daily life by the presence of just one person, a chance for a future, for a family. And with the departure of such person, we learn to carry the painful realisation that we had, in all probability caused the dream to end oh so suddenly, waking up blinking like a fool in the bright dawn of truth.

And I am still suffering the hangover, sunshine.

GOOD & BAD. I said the effect of remembrance (dzikr) is both hard and soft, when the words I used originally were ‘up and down sides’. I changed them because no remembrance is ultimately bad. However painful the milestones we face when we glanced over our shoulders and look back into the past, our gaze must necessarily return far, to the soft yielding embrace of our dearly departed mother or father, or some other beloved kin or friend we have lost to time and tide. And if we look farther still, farther than the even our birth, our parents’ birth or even beyond the first life ever raised its eyes and look into a new world, we return ultimately, in the finality of our contemplation to the dawn of creation before any sun ever existed, to the NurMuhammad, the Light of Muhammad (sws) and to our God Almighty, Most Compassionate Most Merciful. And you must agree with me that that is not a bad thing.

May God bless you, sunshine, always and forever.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

FAREWELL, WEDDING BELLS

IMG_20170424_193306Farewell, Wedding Bells
I am what I hold in my hand, a broken heart,
I am the memories that shadow my waking sleep,
I am the tears that I cry
Since the night we said farewell
To our dreams of wedding bells
To live a life to an end
That I cannot foretell.
…….

LIFE. All that is born must die. All that is created must have an end, every summer ends with an autumn and every life must inevitably cease. There is little argument on this point.

ENDINGS. What is debatable, and a source of great human drama of joys and sadness, passion and despair is the activity we choose to indulge in between our birth and our pallbearers. And in the consequences of a break-up, the ending of a relationship, boy, it does feel like forever. But I know this is a false forever, a fake eternity concocted up by a fevered heart yearning the gentle touch of a loved one.

GUILT. Nonetheless, in the face of such trials, we have Allah Almighty, we have His Habibullah (sws) and the inner armoury of the soul known as patience, patience and patience. So in truth, there is no competition really – for hope trumps sadness and His divine promise conquers over all our mortal failings. But being human, something in our self-blaming ego is titillated by constantly stirring the pot of our sadness, not to heal the hurt… but to drown our hope, a stillborn.

BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES. I guess guilt plays a big part of my life. But I willingly embrace my malfeasance, because interspaced between the guilty pangs are pearls of memories I cannot nor do I desire to let go off.

Memories of you, sunshine.IMG_20170424_194123

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

THE FRIEND ZONE

4877_79071_web_8columnSome break-ups fall easily into the friend zone. But some stubbornly refuses to be so sensible. This is a prose about one such impolitic separation, burning away the savannah of my solace like a bushfire, soaking up the oxygen from the very air that I need to breathe and move on.

Friend Zone
You will never be my former,
You will never be my yesterday,
Your name cannot be paired with was,
 Done, did, had, has, or in any way
Referred to in the past tense,
You are not cast for The End,
And lest you fail to understand…
Let my pen be clear that
You will never (ever)
be just a friend.
…..

Happy birthday, sunshine, always and forever. May you find solace through the Prophet (sws) of AllahuRa’uf, our God The Kind, God The Tenderly Merciful and Consoling. 
large

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

THE ROSE & THE MIRROR

20150804123718_resizedThe Rose & The Mirror
It is not for the rose to declare its beauty,
But to exist and simply be,
In perfect poise before
An admiring mirror.
…..

I cannot say I am beautiful or attractive. Not when I live in my skin and know very well where all my skeletons are hidden. Thus I answered when asked why I was so hesitant in accepting compliments and praise. But the answer then took me to an older reply of an older inquiry. Perhaps one of the oldest question entertained by mankind, and this is it – Why did God create the world? Why am I here? In a famous Sufi lore, God replied, “I was a Hidden Treasure, and I wanted to be known.”

Like a mirror placed before an incomparable and blinding beauty, the natural state of the world of Men and Djinn is prostrating before the Creator – reflecting upon Allah Almighty, to acknowledge, to praise and to worship Him in His immeasurable Glory, Light and infinite Mercy.

In the holy Quran, Allah (swt) expresses Himself unequivocally thus -

“I created the jinn and humankind only that they might worship Me.”
(Quran 51:56, Marmaduke Pickthall)

May we be the mirrors we are meant to be, sunshine, to negate our own ego’s rampant vanity and to complete the divine equation of Love, Beauty and Adoration. To be quite honest here, It is not the easiest algorithm to solve but it is the most enchanting mystery that any student may commit his life and death to uncover!

20151229011502_resizedThe Rose & The Mirror II
A mirror cannot adore a rose
If it persists in thinking
Itself to be the rose.
One must be adored
And the other must be the mirror.
One must be God,
And the other the worshipper.
……

May we always be supported by Allah (swt) and His Beloved Muhammad Sayyidina Mahsusun Bilmajid (sws). For the wandering soul there is no happier or safer way than this path revealed by AllahuFattah (God the Opener, the Revealer).

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

THE PEN OF GALLANTRY

artflow_201602091201Punctuality & The Pen of Gallantry
Am I too late?
To taste tea in the morning,
To find roses peeping in,
To hear the tiny toes
Of who knows who
Coming down the gravel walk?

Am I too late?
To put fairness before self,
To close my eyes to the whisperer
But gather instead, with the other moths
In a falling orbit
Around the Sun?

Am I too late?
To put manners before passion,
To place goodness before gratification,
To swell the sea of hopeful pearls
Enchanted by the Moon of Mercy?

Am I too late?
To write my book?
To finish my drawings?
To begin and end the story
Of the elephant, the cat
And dear old Mr. Ali?

Heaven knows, as I do not.
The answers to my punctuality
Rests at the Throne of God
In the Antechamber of Mercy
Before Whom prostrates
The Pen of Gallantry
……..

Abang ChikIRONY. we are not good at saying goodbye, are we, sunshine? Not to our office and friends, not to anyone that we love and care for. Take me for instance, today my late brother’s friend remarked on my recent picture on Facebook that from a distance, I kinda look like him (like my late brother, not his friend). This pleases me no end, to be quite honest as I like to be reminded of him. The irony is that when he was still clowning about in the physical realm, Abang Chik used to annoy me to no end with his eccentric but undeniably insightful view of the world.

IMG_20170310_072726THE END. If you follow my rather quiet and uneventful life, you may know that last week, me and my partner handed over the keys of our 13 years old office back to the landlady. It was a deeply melancholic moment for us, having sifted through thousands and thousands of documents of our past decade’s work, smiling, pondering and sometimes laughing at all the memories we made in the office.

THE BEGINNING. Which brings me to the beginning. And to what I shall do now that my legal practice will take a back seat in my daily life. Truth be told, I am still weighing the possibilities but at 47 years old, I am not in a hurry to make a hasty decision. I am looking a the clouds in the sky, I am feeling the tremor of the air that surrounds me, I am listening to the birds singing outside my window, and I am turning my eyes inwards, to the remembrance of God Almighty and His Beloved Muhammad Sayyidina Habibullah (sws), hoping for a hint, a sign.

Pray for me, sunsine. And may Allah bless you always.

donkeywa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

EASE IS EASY. BUT WHAT WILL LOVE DO?

artflow_201612232206Ease & Love
I ask for ease from Love
And Love eases me,
All through my days and nights
Love attends to me devotedly.

Encouraged I then ask
For love from Love…
A divine jealousy,
Worthy of Love’s majesty,
And Love loves me indeed,
Which makes me happy,
But in a state that
Leaves me waiting cautiously…

For ease is easy,
But love? Who knows
What Love might do.

Do you?
……..

Why does the mystics often ask for ‘ease’? Is not a life of sacrifice and tribulation good for the soul? He he he.

Because our personal trials and tests come whether we like it or not. But most importantly, and you can have this engraved in your heart in words of molten fire -

You will be tested for everything that comes out of your mouth
…..

Oh crumbs.

But it’s all good. It’s always good. It’s God after all that plans it all.

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

MUSE, MAKER, THE END OF ALL SURMISE

Camera 360My Only Homecoming
I am captivated by Your signs
Bur wonder… how long shall I
Be traveling? To wander this world,
To explore the connections
And signs of You
But to never find You?

I am not claiming that I deserve You
But then You made me and I am Yours,
So is there in truth
Any other homecoming
For me but to You?
………

A few nights ago, I was bemused to hear two simultaneous Azans (call to prayers). One came from my phone with its prayer times app, while the other came ‘live’ from my neighbourhood mosque.

5451_109180257843_543202843_2382546_7545878_nI don’t know why but I was deeply affected by the beauty of the two Azans. They just felt overwhelming, coursing through the air like some cosmic signal being beamed from a divine radio station heaven somewhere beautiful. But then, quite by surprise, a poignant thought came to me…

The End of Surmise
Beautiful songs… But when will I meet the Muse?
Beautiful signs… But when shall I see the Maker?
Beauty, beauty, beauty everywhere
But when will I ever
Meet the End of all my surmise?
………

It was a moment both sweet and sad. I really don’t know how else to explain.

Do you, sunshine?

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

THE FANGS OF THE ANTICHRIST ARE SHOWING

4877_79071_web_8columnEulogy for Peace
The west has fallen,
The east is falling,
The south has been eaten,
The north is melting,

Wisdom is hidden,
Books are celebrated,
Leaders are elected,
Truth is discarded,

The fangs of the Antichrist are showing
Because he is smiling.
…..

Slide6Close the door, sunshine. Keep to yourself, your close friends and kin. Stay away from crowds and rabble rousers. The tail is wagging the dog, and wisdom in the public space is practically gone.

The world is a bridge, cross it fast and do not try to mend it. There is great wisdom in the sayings of Sayyidina Isa Ruhul Quds (as), especially when the Antichrist is busy torching the bally bridge down. The days of long nights are upon us. Keep to your prayers, and keep the lantern of your faith for Allah Almighty bright with the brand of Nabi Muhammad Sayyidina Siraj (sws).

wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

“Is Mika here?” He would ask

30082011706 2-2

Questions
“Is Mika here?
Can I borrow some money?”
The familiar head would suddenly appear,
And I would reply, gruffly,
Yay or Nay, to the speaker,
Abang Chik, my brother.

Now as I sit in my room,
Sifting through his notebooks
And scribblings that I have saved,
My eyes sometimes drift to the door,
Half expecting him
To poke his head in,
And ask, for the thousandth time…
“Is Mika here? Are you done with the book?
Have you seen my car keys?
Do you have the time?”
…….

Not a day passes, that I am not thankful for this life, this world, and for you, sunshine. And not a day passes that I am not thankful that this world shall not last but one day end, and that we, you and I, shall take leave of this reality and return to the possessors of our memories, our dearly departed kin and friends. And to meet, Godwilling, in a congregation blessed to be in the Divine Presence.

My brother is not here. The odour of his presence, made astoundingly apparent by his Indonesian clove cigarettes is absent. But his writings and drawings, his artistic, musical and literary tastes, his quiet devotion to Shaykh Nazim Adil al-Haqqani (qs), are present in my life and animate my thoughts. And he is doing it all over again – bothering me, popping his head into my loneliness, asking for the millionth time… “Is Mikhail here? So what do you think of the movie? Doesn’t the minister drive you crazy?”

Abang Chikwa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way