Tag Archives: conscience

MY BEAUTIFUL ROSES… from the field of my errors

IMG_20151010_170918I Am Told
I am told;
He is not my brother
Because he is not of the same religion,

But I say; our religion may differ
But we share the same homecoming,

I am warned;
She is not my sister
Because she looks different,

But I say: our features may differ
But inside, she too has a heart beating,

I am told;
They are our enemy,

But I say; to you maybe,
But not to me…
…………….

MEMORIES. This old sinner once wrote that if we have perfect memory, we will never err or sin. But as sentient beings, we are composed of all sorts of memories, good and bad. And we were told and taught many things as we grow up, some of which are mixed with a dash bigotry, like some hateful mocktail.

MV5BMTcyMjI1ODg4N15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDYzODYyMQ@@._V1_UX148_CR0,0,148,200_AL_So I guess, living a good life is not only about remembering things to practice, but also remembering things only as a life lesson. You know what I mean, one of those o-my-God-what-a-dumb-dumb-I-was past experiences.

A MANURE OF ERRORS. Originally I thought that we ought to forget such mistakes, like our smoking, drinking or drug-taking, or perhaps our brief affair with Wahhabism (under whatever guise it was masked in). But you know, we cannot erase the past. And to misuse a scene from the ‘Yes, Prime Minister’ political comedy (one of the greatest, in my opinion), might I conclude that…

Our past may be full of shit.
But sometime beautiful roses grow
From the most odious smelling
Manure of our errors,

…IF we learn from them.
……………..

And boy, I don’t know about you, but if I could convert my past mistakes into roses, I reckon I would have acres upon acres… stretching into the rose-scented horizon as far as the eye can see.

wallpaper-2997540wa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way

Conscience is a Muscle

20150326_072745_resizedConscience is a Muscle
Do not let your conscience waste away,
For like your organs and muscles,
It needs constant exercise.
………..

Smoke Free. Yesterday I visited the doctor (I have a phlegmatic cough and flu), and she asked me, “Do you smoke?” And for the first time in 2 decades, I replied in the negative. It felt real good being able to say that, coming into my 4th month smoke free.

20150328_084624_resizedAmbling. As part of my new health regiment, I am also doing a lot of ambling. It is like walking, but with little sense of purpose, almost uncaring where the journey will end. Dog-walkers and my elderly neighbours regularly overtake this ambler with ease. Initially, I was a little disturbed, but really, as I looked at their receding backs, who cares? Godspeed to them, I say. He he he.

Thank God for Pain. As a result of my diabetes, I have been feeling numb at my feet for years. So I am also taking some medication to reconstitute my nerve endings. It’s funny isn’t it? People normally run away from pain. But here I am, trying to feel pain again. So now as I lie in bed trying to sleep, pain does come. I can feel it coursing through the blood vessel of my feet, popping and trembling, as if being massaged by some unseen hands. So thank God for pain!

Threadmill. Which leads me (in my normal runabout way) back to my conscience. Because, like my physical body, I am afraid I have failed to diligently exercise my conscience, that spiritual compass that God has implanted in the core of all of us. So you may see me ambling in my neighbourhood, but morally speaking I am on a treadmill of my conscience, and I fear I am losing my breath, losing my mind, staggering like a drunkard at the cusp of collapsing. Pray for me.

20150512_065734_resizedMad Assurance. I cannot tell you how strange it feels not to smoke. Not to have a roll of burning leaf in my hand. For almost 20 years I have been cultivating a habit which to its last day earlier this year, meant that I puffed almost 4 boxes daily. Really, the only time I didn’t smoke was when I was asleep. I guess I was mad, but that madness filed my waking hours and like it or not, I found the nicotine sticks reassuring. Now that they are gone, what am I?…

Chemical Crutches
What am I now without my chemical crutches?
Am I spiritual? Or do I cling to some vain piety
That mortal men often clutches?

Nothing? I read once that you are what you habitually hold in your hand. So when I was smoking, I used to think I was, literally, a cigarette. But now, what am I holding? Nothing? No, not nothing unfortunately… For in my hand, though you may not see it, I hold a short temper, desire, jealousy, envy, bitterness and grudges. Alas, I am not Rumi. Far from it, I guess. But I do get to spend more time with my son, just walking and taking in our neighbourhood. One day at a time, one step at a time. Alhamdulillah

20150322_152524_resizedwa min Allah at-taufiq

Hate has no place in Islam
Love will show the Way